Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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