You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
