we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
