Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
