ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
