Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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