At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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