Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
