sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
