every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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