I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
