I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
