he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
