My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize