He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
