Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
