Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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