This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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