i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
