forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
