You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
