I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
