so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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