So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
