I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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