I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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