Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
