Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
