we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
