Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
