I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
