WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
