I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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