I wish life had little blips of pornography
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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