my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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