first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
