he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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