Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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