im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
