I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
