Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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