I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize