I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
