You can't motorboat a personality
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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