I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
