is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
