Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
