Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
