like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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