Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
