I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
