I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
