You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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