I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your penis caused this!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
