They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
