I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
