remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize