break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I touched a dick in church today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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