so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
