so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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