Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
